Tuesday, September 30, 2014

I Didn't Reach My Goal; Thoughts on Normal Weight People

Weight loss and eating well were on my mind a lot over the holiday in Michigan, and I couldn’t tell if I was over-thinking everything or not. Staying mindful when there is so much food around all the time while balancing occasional indulgences feels like it requires continuous effort, but it can go too far and become the focus of the day.

This morning I weighed in at 181 even, which is just half a pound off from last week. I’ll wait until tomorrow to have an official weigh-in. However, whether or not I focused too much on what to eat, I think the overall results are good. Maybe it’s possible that I really balanced the days, picking and choosing what I really wanted with what I just wanted because it was in front of me. That’s good, since there are two more of these no-gym-no-tracking-food four-day periods.

I also got to see real balance in action. My sister-in-law, who is slim and has a completely normal relationship with food, didn’t eat dinner one night. We had ended a big lunch really late in the afternoon, and she wasn’t hungry. She sat at the table chatting contently with us, and simply didn’t have dinner. I doubt she’s given it another moment’s thought since.

I would love to have that mindset, to be able to listen to my body over what’s being offered or when the next meal is “due.” Luckily, she’s going to be staying with us again next week, for the last holiday period. I really like seeing her in general, but now I think there might be an added bonus: being reminded of how a person with a healthy relationship with food deals with indulgent holidays. Not that skipping meals is (or should be) a frequent part of a balancing act, but more the idea of eating when hungry - no more, no less. Sure, J handles indulgent holidays well, but he also needs about 400 calories more a day than I do to maintain, so he’s not the best person to emulate.

Why he's no longer welcome at the rare books store.

However, I’m getting more and more frustrated that, inexplicably, I still haven’t hit the 170s. Who knows what tomorrow will “officially” bring, but either way, I didn’t hit the 170s in September, a goal I thought was too easy when I set it at the end of August. Despite my success, despite knowing I’m making progress, I’m still letting that stupid number get to me. Maybe I should put the scale away again for awhile.

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