Highly Exciting: The Next Thirty Days

Have you ever wished that someone would take the thought out of dieting for you? That’s the idea behind multi-million dollar programs like Jenny Craig. Simple: Just eat their food, don’t eat anything else, and you’ll lose weight. Except that you never learn how to actually eat right or how to live in the real world.

Let’s get real here. I did not eat well over the weekend, much like the last few weekends have also been. This morning I was in at 175 even, so at least five or six pounds UP. Some is bloat but some is unfortunately just gained weight. Yuck.

By about a foot.

I don't think buying all diet food is worth the cost. However, I’d like to take the thought out of losing weight, just a little bit, and just for a little while. To (for most of the time) not worry about choices. Food has been such a huge focus for so long, and not in a good way - I’m either doing great, losing weight, and spending a lot of time and energy on it, or I’m eating terribly, and still spending a lot of time and energy on it.

I am stopping starting today (well technically yesterday this point), this morning. For the next 30 days I'm going on a more restricted diet. Take away the choice and the thought. I'm also putting the scale away so I'm not focusing on my weight. These next 30 days will be hard, but  I’ll do it because I know it's temporary and also because I'm at my wits end and need to go to the other extreme. After the 30 days, I’ll decide what's next. My plan is healthy - plenty of calories, veggies, fat, etc -it's just not sustainable because it's so limiting. That’s okay, I don’t need it to be long term. What I do need is a short term plan that will let me lose a bit of weight without having to focus so much on food.

So, the plan: I’ll give myself two options for breakfast, two for lunch and two for dinner. These choices will be things that I’ve eaten over and over again and still enjoy. Coffee with breakfast, always. Then oatmeal or Greek yogurt with honey. A lettuce/random veggies salad for lunch, with either beans, feta cheese, and a salsa dressing, OR with ground turkey and beans. Dinner will always have a veggie, and then be either flatbread pizza or two all beef hot dogs on whole wheat bread. Alternate is a frozen Amy’s entree. If I’m feeling genuinely hungry, I’ll have an apple and/or a glass of milk for a snack. Most importantly - no junk food, lots of vegetables, and little to no snacking.

Hot dogs as part of a diet? Yes. I know these are not all ideal options in terms of processing or sodium level, but they are meals that are really simple, easy, and keep me full. I’ll be adding veggies so it’s not quite the dinner plans of an eleven-year-old. Overall, I’d like to give this plan a chance, at least a week, before making adjustments to portions sizes or food choices.

This plan, this making decisions now about food so that I don’t have to later, won’t work 100% of the time. I’m not going to turn down having dinner with friends, or go to a restaurant and request that they cook me a hot dog and some broccoli. So, my plan for those times, maybe one or two meals a week, is to set a high but not insane calorie limit, and just stay within that. As long as it’s not more than a couple of meals, I should still have a good calorie deficit for the week.

I can't wait until I'm feeling motivated or inspired because who knows when that will happen? Right now I just feel determined. I need to start. I need to start somewhere, even if I know it doesn’t make sense in the long term.

Day one, May 26. Day 30, June 25.

Six Weeks Done: Re-Losing and Average Calories

One of the things I struggle with is that I’m re-losing weight I gained over the last year or so. I’ve talked about this - how I lost fifty pounds and walked and felt like a badass with my bicep lines and singular chin. Then I got cocky, or lazy, or something, and found my way back to 190. Now I’m trying again. Old news.

The funny thing is that it’s not necessarily about feeling guilty or punishing myself for gaining back the weight (though that’s there too), it’s about being annoyed and impatient knowing that I already crossed this bridge. I did this part already, so when will I be done catching up and start making “real” progress?

I know rationally I need to just stop focusing on it and be glad I took control now, instead of after another fifty pounds. And that it was me eating those extra calories and gaining back that weight. Nobody else. Would I rather be relosing down from 190, or be dieting from at even higher weight? Besides, any progress is real progress, regardless of how many times I’ve made that same progress in the past.

I also need to apply this same reasoning to my lack of progress at the beginning of this year. I was all gung-ho tracking/working out, and then getting more and more frustrated at my lack of weight loss, only to realize that - whoops - I was actually eating way more calories per day on average than I realized. In some ways, I wasted March-May being annoyed and impatient instead of actually looking at what I was eating.

That brings me to the last six weeks, the “Reboot” edition of my plan. I started out at 191 with a plan to commit to tracking everything I ate and to work out at least four times a week. The results?  I’ve tracked my food and exercise every single day for the last six weeks - even the three or four crappy days I wish hadn’t happened and wanted to forget. (And good news, those crappy days weren’t as crappy as the crappy days of the past.)

I tried really hard to listen to my body, to decide if I wanted a snack at 3:30 because I was actually hungry, or just kind of bored. In short, I felt good and focused.

So my average calorie intake for the last six weeks is...drumroll...1330. A bit higher than I was originally aiming for, but still enough to lose at least a pound a week. Plus it’s a full 500 calories lower than the average from earlier this year. I’m in such a rush to just make some progress because of how uncomfortable I am in my body right now, but 1330 calorie days add up to 4.5 pounds lost per month. It will happen, this is real progress.

And with zero segway, this is my meal plan for this week, week 7:

	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
Breakfast	Coffee	Coffee, yogurt	Coffee, yogurt	Coffee, oatmeal	Coffee, yogurt		Coffee
Lunch	Pizza	Tilapia, pesto, linguine	Potluck Luncheon - TBD	Tilapia, pesto, linguine	Tilapia, pesto, linguine	Bubble Up Enchilada Casserole
Dinner	Chicken soup, hot dog	Corn tortillas, beans, cheese, salsa	Taco salad	Enchiladas	TBD	Chicken, potatoes, brussel sprouts	TBD
Snacks		Fruit, string cheese	Fruit, string cheese	Fruit, string cheese	Fruit, string cheese	Fruit, string cheese

On Sunday I took a giant bunch of basil and made nut-free pesto. Nutless because that’s the recipe I found, and also because I decided that they’re not worth the calories in this particular dish. I’d much rather focus on the basil, garlic, olive oil, and Parmesan. It came out a bit creamier without the nuts, but delicious. Also hella-caloric.

In two weeks, I’ll take my final weigh-in and some new measurements. I love the idea of having a solid six weeks of food, exercise and weight data to use. I can explore fascinating/naval-grazing questions such as: how did the average calories/day relate to the weight loss? Was there a pattern of gains and losses? What weeks had the most weight loss, or the least, and how did it compare to the calorie deficit?

In that time, I’ll also figure out the next stage of the plan in terms of daily calorie allotment and how often I should be weighing in. If I can get my head straight and not be affected by normal fluctuations, I’d like to track daily for a while.

Week Three: I Peeked, But Didn't Peak

Week two is over. I confess that I stepped on the scale on Friday morning, and was delighted to see 185.7. Since I weighed in at 191 just before starting this “reboot,” I’ve lost about five pounds in two weeks, right in the healthy weight range for the beginning of a diet.

Even though I am happy to know I’ve made progress, I’m a little disappointed because I messed up the whole point of not knowing my weight: to avoid focusing on it. Right now I’m re-losing weight that I already lost - twice - and then gained back - twice, three times if you count the initial gaining. No need to be reminded of or focus on that. 

No more weigh-ins. When I get tempted to dig out the scale, I’ll remind myself how great it will be to see a (hopefully) double-digit loss for these eight weeks, and that eating well and working out are just as important, if not more, than how much the scale has moved.

As my sneak peek indicated, this was a good week. Work was very slow, as is typical for summers. I will never, ever complain about not having much to do at work. I kept tracking, and we worked out four times plus a really long walk around Central Park in the lovely breeze.

Another good part of the week was that I’m learning that a day without a treat is not the end of the world, and that even if I can have something, doesn’t mean I need to do so. Shocking, right? Last night, I was debating whether to have a flatbread pizza or a loaded baked potato with the 400 calories left for the day. I realized that I could make a small dinner, somewhere around 250-300 calories and have room for a couple of pieces of chocolate. 

Just as quickly I asked myself, What are you doing? Two hundred and fifty calories is a snack or breakfast, not a dinner. I used all the calories for dinner, skipped the dessert, and the world kept turning and I didn’t go insane from lack of dessert and eat the candy aisle at the nearest drug store. So I will try to keep in mind the lesson here: Notwithstanding the occasional ice cream for dinner, a treat is something extra to have after a meal, not instead of it.

Looking ahead, tomorrow is our company’s annual summer outing, which basically translates to a relaxing day at a country club, where people bring their families and there’s an open bar by the pool. I’m trying to get the courage to go swimming, since it’s really fun with J and there’s not that much else to do besides sit by the pool and drink. I really don't want to let my own insecurity stop me from enjoying a pool on a hot day.

On Tuesday, we’re attending a goodbye dinner for J’s dad, who is moving across the country. It sucks that he won’t live so close anymore, but I guess now we have an excuse to go to California. Silver linings. And in one week, we’ll celebrate my amazing grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary.

Below is this week’s meal plan. Once again, strawberries feature prominently in the snacks. At 50 calories a cup and now $2 a pound, they will probably be a summer staple.

	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
Exercise	Gym	Pool - laps	Gym	Off	Gym	Gym	Walk
Breakfast	Coffee	Coffee, oatmeal	Coffee, yogurt	Coffee, yogurt	Coffee, oatmeal	Coffee, oatmeal	Coffee, yogurt
Lunch	Oatmeal pancakes, strawberries	Firm outing	Lemon chicken over salad, baked potato	Lemon chicken over salad, baked potato	Veggie burger, cheese, on English muffin	Veggie burger, cheese, on English muffin	TBD
Dinner	Frittata	Firm outing	Out with family	Loaded baked potato, broccoli	Flatbread pizza	Chicken, broccoli, bread
Snacks	Cheese, FroYo, fruit	Fruit	Hard boiled egg, fruit	Cheese, fruit	TBD	TBD

Today was the first day of week three, and it was a good one. Sunday is our day to have a longer gym session, and I felt like I’m continuously better at pushing myself. A while back, I wrote about how I couldn't do even one rep on one of the strength training machines they have, the overhead press machine, even on the lightest setting. (Ignore the stupid URL title.) I tried it again today and did ten reps at 25 pounds! I'm definitely getting stronger. 

After I burned an excellent 750 calories, J and I stopped for some frozen yogurt and it was delicious, especially knowing that I knew I could enjoy it, go home and have a nice dinner, and still have a great "loss" day.

I'm feeling good about this week, and the next six (thousand) weeks.

Reboot Week Two: I Don't Like Cupcakes

Week one is done! 

I averaged about a thousand net calories per day and felt confident. I packed lunch and a snack or two every day, we went to the gym four mornings and one afternoon, and I felt good and - most importantly - patient. Since I'm trying not to focus on the scale for a bit but still want to record my progress, I weighed in a couple of time by standing on the scale backwards so J could record the results without my seeing. I resisted the temptation to ask him “did it go down somewhat? Is it working?” for a third time, and we moved on.

Yesterday, however, was the only day that wasn't great food-wise. My mother, sister, and I drove to Connecticut to celebrate the bridal shower of a family friend. The bride is my age, we have known each other since we were born, and I love her dearly and was so excited to be celebrating with her. Her fiance is a great guy and they have been through everything together, including the rise and fall of MySpace.

I had a wonderful time and thought I was doing pretty well with eating until I actually tallied everything up. Then I realized that two mimosas, a mini quiche, a couple of slices of cheese and crackers, various salads with toppings and dressings, a few bite-sized desserts, all add up quick. I only took a little bit of everything, but the problem was the “everything” part. I was in default mode, version “let me have a little of that, it's okay because it's only a little.”

While I’d be quick to point out that my food intake would have been double that if I hadn’t been trying, that says more about how badly I have eaten in the past than how well I did yesterday. Despite not eating well, the only thing that really annoyed me was the second mini cupcake. It was fine, it was a cupcake, but it wasn’t amazing, cupcakes don’t even make my top ten desserts, and it really wasn’t worth it.

I know that a vague “I won’t eat too much” is setting myself up for disaster. It’s way too easy to grab a piece of cheese and a cracker and be totally unaware that this is the third one. I need to set reasonable goals, like choosing one dessert that looks the best and enjoying it. Then I can trust that there are going to be a lot of other desserts in life to enjoy, so it’s okay if I don’t have them all now. I'll try to keep this lesson for the rest of the events that seem to all fall within the next couple of months

This week is quiet, but next week is my firm’s annual outing, and a week later we’ll celebrate my grandparent’s 60th wedding anniversary. (Amazing, right? They are my role models.) Then there's another dinner, a weekend away, and another weekend away in the next seven weeks. I know that it would be fine in the long run to indulge a bit at these events, but I’m trying not to do so. This is supposed to be the more intense part of the meal plan, and trying all the foods is not a prerequisite to enjoying the company of family and friends. The biggest reason is that I’m just so unhappy with my weight right now, so dangerously close to that big round 200 number, that I don’t want to stall my progress anymore. Food choices like the ones made at the bridal shower won’t cut it. Therefore, while these are all happy occasions and I'm lucky to have so many, I don't need to celebrate them with food.

No weekly weigh-in since I don’t even know what I weigh at the moment. I did peek at the scale on Tuesday morning and I was down to 189, so maybe that last sucky weigh-in of 191 really was a bit of bloat. It doesn’t matter, since the next time I know my number will be in August.

Tentative Weekly Meal Plan:

	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
Exercise	Short walk	Gym	Gym	Gym	Gym	Gym	Day of rest
Breakfast	Coffee, yogurt	Coffee, yogurt	Coffee, oatmeal	Coffee, yogurt	Coffee, hard boiled eggs with cheddar cheese	Coffee, yogurt	Coffee, yogurt
Lunch	Bridal shower	Turkey hash: turkey, carrots onions, peppers, and diced potatoes	Turkey hash, vegetable soup	Turkey hash, baby carrots	Taco salad - lettuce, refried beans, feta, onions, salsa, guacamole	TBD, or buy	TBD
Dinner	Eggs	Tortilla pizza	Hot dogs, broccoli	Omelette	Chicken breast, baked potato, veggies	Chicken, challah, vegetables, wine	TBD
Snacks	Shower food	Fruit, hard boiled egg, string cheese	Hard boiled eggs, strawberries	Fruit, string cheese	Fruit, string cheese

The "meal" of last week was the quinoa salad, and I had it for lunch Monday-Thursday. I would probably get sick of it if I had it another time, but the beauty of making one lunch dish a week and then eating it every day during the week is that I don't have to repeat often from week to week. My dish of this week, turned out like a hash (not the fun kind) made from diced potatoes, peppers, onions, and turkey breast. Like the quinoa last week, it’s a one-pot-meal.

Anyone else lukewarm for cupcakes? It's essentially the opposite of cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.