Weekly Weigh In - Getting Off the Blah Train

This week’s stats:

	Start	6/8	8/19	10/29	12/31	1/28	3/31	4/7	4/21	5/5	5/12
Weight	200	191.2	182.6	181.4	177.2	174.6	168.4	170	170.4	172.4	171.8
Lbs. Fat		82.7	72.5	70.8	67.1	65.3	60.3	60.8	61.3	63.4	60.9
Lbs. Muscle		67.3	66.8	67.3	63.9	64.4	61.5	61.5	65	64	64.2

So fat is way down while muscle mass maintained. Good numbers, considering. I don’t know how much of the net gain is actual weight from my time overeating, and how much is bloat, but either way I’d like it to go away.

Sunday was Mother’s Day. My mom is the best, and my siblings and I planned to make a big homemade dinner with my parents and grandparents to celebrate. Since she loves Italian, we decided to make soup, pizza with fun toppings, and some veggies. Also, mojitos because those are the best.

I’ve kept up my baking hiatus in general, and I know that making vegetables instead of desserts for social gatherings has probably saved me approximately 24329 calories in “I have to eat one to make sure it’s good.”

The siren song of miniature chocolates

But for some reason my brain went out the window and I was all, “I’m going to make lava cakes for dessert! And we’ll get some fancy $14-a-pint Tahitian vanilla bean ice cream to go with it!” My plan to not go overboard was “Don’t go overboard.”

"We need a plan of attack!"

Fail. Why do I keep doing that? Why do I forget that I need planning, and rules, or I’ll just snack/taste throughout the day and not really realize how much I must have consumed until it’s hours later? I picked at the chocolate chips, and split a “test” pizza with my brother and sister. (We used this recipe for pizza dough; it was amazing.)

I have my go-to rules - no snacking and no seconds. I wish I had just stuck to that. One small lava cake at dinner, even adding ice cream to make a 400-calorie dessert, could have been a nice treat that was part of a wonderful celebration of my mother and grandmother. Instead, I compounded that with at least three servings of chocolate chips and tastes of batter. I need to be more mindful of situations like that - I seem to be super mindful after it happens, of course. But that’s not really even mindfulness, that’s just acknowledging my mistakes. Mindfulness has to come before the food to count and to accomplish anything.

I want to start making progress again, not just stagnant at this awesome but insufficient thirty pound loss. I think a great way to do this is focus on small things, and also to remind myself of the good things I am doing, even if and when I’m not perfect. I’m still going to the gym consistently, I am doing well in not being in denial over how many calories or how much I ate, and most importantly, I’m still trying, still caring, and still pushing myself to do better.

Goals for this Week:

• Track all food and drinks, no matter what
• Go to the gym at least three more times before Sunday, ideally four
• Remember that the delicious chocolate in the office candy bowl is the result of horrible human conditions and mass environmental destruction and I don’t want it
• Don’t have cake at the office farewell on Thursday
• This is actually the first “farewell” we’ve had in at least six months. Back when we had a whole slew of farewell cakes, I got used to just not having any and not caring that I wasn’t. I know that it’s not worth it, cake is not something that excites me, so I just need to do that.

What are your strategies for being healthy or healthier this week?

Office Cake vs. Home Cake

Alright, moving on. Fine, those were a couple of harder weeks. While I did much better than I would have normally, I still didn’t do as well as I wanted. This has been a new week, a normal week, and I’ve dived right back into our gym/food tracking routine. Maybe some habits are getting more ingrained. We’re now in week five, steadily plugging along.

But I did realize some interesting things as I was shoving cookie dough in my mouth this past Saturday night. There is another dimension, so to speak, about the default settings I’m trying so hard to change - where I am.

Part of the reason this past week or two was a bit more challenging in terms of food is that we spent over half of it out of the house - first at my parent’s place, then at my MIL’s in Michigan. All of the not-as-great days happened there. It goes without saying that whatever I ate was my choice and I cannot blame anyone else for the occasions I ate too much.

I’m still working on leaning towards saying no when food is offered. In terms of work treats, I’ve made great progress - no bagels at the office breakfast, no cake at the farewell parties (except for that chocolate cake), none of the treats that co-workers randomly bring in. And it really is true that nobody cares whether or not I eat it or why, so I’ve stopped feeling self-conscious.

Oh no, it's fine. Come on in!

As I was eating that cookie dough and vaguely thinking how perhaps I should stop, I realize I probably wouldn't be doing this at home. It’s the setting as much as the actual treat that influences how good I am at turning it down (or, alternatively, deciding that the treat is worth it and enjoying some).

I’ve been able to make progress with ignoring office treats partially because the office is part of my normal routine. Even if the treat itself is special or new, the fact that I’m in the office setting makes it fairly easy to turn it down because I’m used to turning down things in the office, used to passing by the kitchen without peeking at whatever delectable has been placed out. However, that same habit doesn’t really work in new settings, places out of my routine. Turning down cake at work? No problem, I don’t even like cake that much. Turning down cake sitting on the counter at my parent’s house? Gimme.

Somehow I’m still fighting that childhood mentality, which said that parties and basically anywhere that wasn’t my house necessitated some kind of FOMO free-for-all. Treats were a rare commodity in my house, saved for once a week. No cookie jars or ice cream in the freezer. Being a little girl with a lot of issues, I sought the food that thought I was being deprived of elsewhere, anywhere. 

While I’m really proud that I’ve still eaten at “weight loss” levels for almost every day, it’s still a little frustrating that I let a new setting get the best of me. But now I know that new places, even with the same foods, can make it just a little bit harder.

Week Three: I Peeked, But Didn't Peak

Week two is over. I confess that I stepped on the scale on Friday morning, and was delighted to see 185.7. Since I weighed in at 191 just before starting this “reboot,” I’ve lost about five pounds in two weeks, right in the healthy weight range for the beginning of a diet.

Even though I am happy to know I’ve made progress, I’m a little disappointed because I messed up the whole point of not knowing my weight: to avoid focusing on it. Right now I’m re-losing weight that I already lost - twice - and then gained back - twice, three times if you count the initial gaining. No need to be reminded of or focus on that. 

No more weigh-ins. When I get tempted to dig out the scale, I’ll remind myself how great it will be to see a (hopefully) double-digit loss for these eight weeks, and that eating well and working out are just as important, if not more, than how much the scale has moved.

As my sneak peek indicated, this was a good week. Work was very slow, as is typical for summers. I will never, ever complain about not having much to do at work. I kept tracking, and we worked out four times plus a really long walk around Central Park in the lovely breeze.

Another good part of the week was that I’m learning that a day without a treat is not the end of the world, and that even if I can have something, doesn’t mean I need to do so. Shocking, right? Last night, I was debating whether to have a flatbread pizza or a loaded baked potato with the 400 calories left for the day. I realized that I could make a small dinner, somewhere around 250-300 calories and have room for a couple of pieces of chocolate. 

Just as quickly I asked myself, What are you doing? Two hundred and fifty calories is a snack or breakfast, not a dinner. I used all the calories for dinner, skipped the dessert, and the world kept turning and I didn’t go insane from lack of dessert and eat the candy aisle at the nearest drug store. So I will try to keep in mind the lesson here: Notwithstanding the occasional ice cream for dinner, a treat is something extra to have after a meal, not instead of it.

Looking ahead, tomorrow is our company’s annual summer outing, which basically translates to a relaxing day at a country club, where people bring their families and there’s an open bar by the pool. I’m trying to get the courage to go swimming, since it’s really fun with J and there’s not that much else to do besides sit by the pool and drink. I really don't want to let my own insecurity stop me from enjoying a pool on a hot day.

On Tuesday, we’re attending a goodbye dinner for J’s dad, who is moving across the country. It sucks that he won’t live so close anymore, but I guess now we have an excuse to go to California. Silver linings. And in one week, we’ll celebrate my amazing grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary.

Below is this week’s meal plan. Once again, strawberries feature prominently in the snacks. At 50 calories a cup and now $2 a pound, they will probably be a summer staple.

	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
Exercise	Gym	Pool - laps	Gym	Off	Gym	Gym	Walk
Breakfast	Coffee	Coffee, oatmeal	Coffee, yogurt	Coffee, yogurt	Coffee, oatmeal	Coffee, oatmeal	Coffee, yogurt
Lunch	Oatmeal pancakes, strawberries	Firm outing	Lemon chicken over salad, baked potato	Lemon chicken over salad, baked potato	Veggie burger, cheese, on English muffin	Veggie burger, cheese, on English muffin	TBD
Dinner	Frittata	Firm outing	Out with family	Loaded baked potato, broccoli	Flatbread pizza	Chicken, broccoli, bread
Snacks	Cheese, FroYo, fruit	Fruit	Hard boiled egg, fruit	Cheese, fruit	TBD	TBD

Today was the first day of week three, and it was a good one. Sunday is our day to have a longer gym session, and I felt like I’m continuously better at pushing myself. A while back, I wrote about how I couldn't do even one rep on one of the strength training machines they have, the overhead press machine, even on the lightest setting. (Ignore the stupid URL title.) I tried it again today and did ten reps at 25 pounds! I'm definitely getting stronger. 

After I burned an excellent 750 calories, J and I stopped for some frozen yogurt and it was delicious, especially knowing that I knew I could enjoy it, go home and have a nice dinner, and still have a great "loss" day.

I'm feeling good about this week, and the next six (thousand) weeks.

Duh: Realizations and a New Plan

Based on my weight, body fat percentage and muscle percentage, I have made little progress over the last three months. We joined the gym in February and have been using it several times a week since, and I started tracking my food and limiting my calories in the beginning of March.

My body has definitely improved in those months: My waist and hips are a little trimmer, my arms and legs have more definition, and I feel that I’m stronger all around and have increased endurance. However, despite these minor physical changes, I’m basically still where I started three months ago.

I’ve been upset, and still hate seeing my rounded face in photos. I’ve tried not to think about how I had expected to lose twenty pounds by now, but instead I’m still wearing a 14 and size Large in most things and nobody who doesn’t know I’m trying to get into shape has seemed to notice any changes. So what gives?

Let me back up a moment.

My weight loss approach to each day has been simple: I can either have a “loss” day, in which I have a calorie deficit, a “maintenance” day, where I eat exactly the number of calories I would need to maintain my weight, which is about 1800 calories, or a “gain” day, where I go above the maintenance level. Every day I start over. It’s nice to know that I have the possibility of losing weight each day, even if it’s only a fraction of a pound. Each day’s weight losses or gains are negligible; but combined, they’re what adds up to fifty pounds gained or lost in a year.

Over these months, I’ve been aiming for a net of 1250-1300 calories, with Saturday and sometimes Friday at a maintenance  or lesser loss level, and 3-5 gym sessions per week. I’ve been pushing myself at the gym, and tracking perhaps five or six out of seven days, carefully weighing and measuring all my food and tracking it all in MyFitnessPal (leahb423, if you’re also on).

Most of these weeks have ended with me getting increasingly annoyed as the scale didn’t move. While I was frustrated at the lack of progress I felt I’d earned, I recently realized the obvious: I just haven’t been doing the math.

According to various Internet sources, I burn about 1800 calories in an average, no exercise day. Thus if I want to lose a pound a week, I need to eat about 1300 calories per day, plus whatever extra I’ve burned off. Alternatively, I could eat more on some days and less on others as long as the total weekly deficit adds up to 3,500 calories.

I think my stagnation boils down to a few simple things:

1) I let myself indulge, have a “maintenance” day on weekends where sometimes I didn’t even track anything

2) being satisfied with only a 200-350 calorie deficit for the other days

3) Two or three crappy, PMS-ing, bored, overeating days every month or so

Those things combined don’t steady weight loss make. If it takes a 3,500 calorie deficit to lose one pound in a week, and I only have a 1000-1750 calorie deficit from Sunday-Thursday, and then I allow myself a zero deficit day or a “lesser” deficit day - well, that’s maybe a pound or two a month. Combine that with sporadic splurging weeks where I end up with no deficit or, in the case of Passover, where I go over my calories, then there is not really any point where there is steady weight loss. Even with regular exercise.

This seems obvious as I write it, but somehow it didn’t hit me that the only way I could lose a pound a week on this plan would be to get that full 500-calorie deficit every day during the week.

Out of the many weight-loss mantras that I heard sprouted around the Internet and in Weight Watchers, one that stuck in my head was this: If you put in 80% of the work, you’ll get 80% of the results. With weight loss, just one or two hundred calories each day can be the difference between losing twenty pounds over a year, or gaining twenty. So maybe for weight loss, putting in 80% of the work can actually yield zero results. I got to the gym, I track most of the time, I weigh, I measure - that’s the 80%. But then I don’t track on one or two days, or I go a little over. That 20% is killing me.

To illustrate my point, I went back over a recent four-week period to see exactly what I’d been doing. Note this was a time when I was tracking almost everything, including the milk in my morning coffee, and working out, and felt I should have been losing weight - but wasn’t.

Four Week Period from April 28-May 25

• Week of Apr. 28-May 4
• 3 workouts
• Tracked 5 calorie deficit days, did not track two days
• Deficits ranged from 300-500

• Week of May 5-11
• 3 workouts
• Tracked 6 days, with an average of 400 over optimal weight loss caloric intake - some 200 over, one 600 calories over  

• Week of May 12-18 
• 5 workouts
• Tracked 5 days tracking, over from 50-300 on each day, 2 non tracking over days

• Week of May 19-25 
• 6 workouts 
• Tracked 5 days, over 100-200 for all days, with one day at over 500 above “losing” level

Ouch. Out of those 28 days, I didn’t track a full 25% of them, and went over the 1300 calorie limit on most of the days I did track. No wonder I’m not losing weight!

I’m tiring of being frustrated, and done doing this half-assed.

The new plan: 

I will aim to eat 1000-1100 net calories per day, and to exercise 5-6 days a week. On days I work out, I will eat back as many of those calories as I want or need.

This is the plan for the next eight weeks, starting on Sunday and ending on August 3rd. After those 56 days, I will see how I’m doing, see how I feel, and possibly up my daily calories. I probably don’t want to eat just 1000-1100 calories for the rest of the my weight loss journey, but for this little slice in time, where I’ve been pathetically, whine-nily treading for months, I need to start.

As a side note, J suggested that he track my weight for this time so I’m not focused on whether or not I’m losing enough. I decided that would be a good idea, so I will either wait the whole eight weeks or more likely, make him tell me after a month. Sometimes I can’t believe that my husband knows what I weigh, and that it’s now more than he does (shame), and he doesn’t seem to care, but this is just reason #423 why he’s a great husband.

Anyway. Join me as I finally kick this weight loss in the ass. Week 1 starts on Sunday.

It's stuck in your head now too.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I am doing what works for me. I am barely over five feet tall, and I personally don’t go by the assumption that 1200 net calories is a magical, universal number under which all women of all heights and builds will have their bodies slip into starvation mode.

Weekly Weigh-In: Work Events and Revelations

This is coming a bit late, but I've been trying to put some thoughts together from my results this week. Frankly, I've been doing this for three months and I'm not making close to the progress that I want to be making. I'm working out, I'm tracking, I'm trying. It's frustrating.

The positive side is that from this frustration came a much needed wake-up call. I looked over my history from myfitnesspal (I'm leahb423, feel free to friend me!) and here, did the math, and figured out some important things about my habits and (lack of) progress. The bottom line is this: despite tracking and working out, I’m just not eating on the calorie deficit I thought I was. I need to face that, and step the hell up if I want to stop maintaining. More on that later.

J and I spent the long weekend upstate with my family, and then I went to two different goodbye parties this week, one for a couple of departing co-workers and the other for a friend of ours who’s moving out of the country.

Overall it was a busier week than we’re used to - we’re usually at home most evenings - but really fun. I wasn’t as careful as I should have been over the weekend with my family, but we took a couple of lengthy walks and I tracked everything. 

I also felt pretty good and in control of myself at the two goodbye parties, aware of what I was eating and if it was worth it. I tried to focus on the people I was with and enjoy that instead of thinking about the delicious bar food available. Though the firm pays for an open bar at events like these, I stopped after two reasonably low calorie cocktails and switched to diet soda.

This is the opposite of our office motto.

In related news, due to the recent departure of two of my colleagues, I am now the most senior person of my position at my workplace. It’s not that strange, since paralegals usually cycle out after 2-3 years to go to law school or other jobs, but it’s a little unnerving that all the people I started with at my job are now gone and how quickly it changed. Thankfully, the people that have replaced them over the last year and a half are awesome, and I know how lucky I am to have a job, let alone a job with great people and that pays decently.

So here are the numbers from the week:

Measurements	4/23/2014	4/30/2014	5/7/2014	5/14/2014	5/21/2014	5/28/2014
Weight	188.1	188.3	185.8	187.2	186.5	187.8
Pounds Fat	79.5	81.5	78.3	79.1	78.5	78.6
Pounds Muscle	67.4	68.4	67.4	68.6	67.1	67.1

While I was not happy that my weight as a whole was up, fat and muscle numbers stayed the same, so maybe some of this is bloat. I worked out three times during the week, and am starting to add weight when strength training. Now I’m pushing/lifting/pulling more in the 40-50 range instead of the 30-40 range, so that’s progress.

Onto a new week, where we have ANOTHER Jewish holiday, celebrating when God gave the Jews the Torah (Bible) on Mount Sinai. How do we celebrate? Cheesecake, mostly. And blintzes. Thankfully this is the last one until the Jewish New Year in the fall.

On Morning Workouts

As I mentioned, we got up before work twice last week and went to the gym. It really is better and more convenient in basically every way to work out in the mornings. This is at least true for me, as someone with a full-time job and few outside obligations.

I am recording this for prosperity, to remind myself to get off my ass in the evenings and plan for the next day.

The Many Advantages of Morning Workouts:

• Gym is less crowded in the mornings, and newly cleaned
• Starting the day on a great note, and feeling good about myself all day
• Getting home earlier in the evenings
• No eating dinner at 9:00 PM, plus more options to have a date night or run errands
• Being forced into a better sleep schedule - got to go to sleep on time if we're going to wake up early
• Knowing calorie allotment for the day instead of debating if I should eat a bigger lunch, because I don’t know how many calories I’ll be burning later or if I’ll get stuck at work instead
• Similar bonus: Staying late at work doesn't mean missing a workout
• A feeling of superiority towards everyone on the subway, knowing that it’s unlikely they were awesome enough to work out in the morning

Love me, subway patrons. 

• Not worrying about coordinating with J
• There’s always a tiny bit of logistics in the evening, since I’m coming from work and he’s coming from home, but if we go in the morning we’re already in the same place. It also works at the end of the workout, since we split up after the gym - me to work and him back home. So he can stay a bit extra if he feels like it without making me wait
• One less clothing change
• I can go from pajamas to workout clothes to work clothes to pajamas, instead of pajamas to work clothes to workout clothes to pajamas.
• I just realized that’s actually the same, but for whatever weird reason the first one feels more convenient.

Some disadvantages: The only things on TV are morning talk shows, my time is limited because I have to go to the office, and any breakfast/lunch items that I want to bring into the office have to sit in a locker or my bag for an extra hour.

These are quite minor compared to the benefits, I just like to be thorough. 

So note to self at 8:30 PM: Get off your ass for 3 minutes and pack a gym bag. You'll be glad you did.