Weekly Weigh-In: Boston

I’m writing from Boston, where we are celebrating my brother’s college graduation. We arrived late last night and spent today visiting my brother and taking a guided tour of the Freedom Trail, a marked pathway through some of Boston’s most famous historic sites. We really enjoyed it and got a good long walk in the warm, drizzly rain as a bonus. I really love all the history in this city.

Trivia: Where is Ben Franklin buried? Answer: Philadelphia, where he died, even though people come looking for him in Boston, where he was born and lived for the most famous part of his life, and even though there’s a monument with his name on it in the same cemetery where Paul Revere is buried. Other fun fact: Christopher Columbus never sat for a portrait in his life, so any paintings of him are based off of memory or descriptions.

Total crap.

This was a pretty good week, especially since it was so short. Work was slow as many of the attorneys are out of the office for various cases, which is always nice. I tracked faithfully, though did go over my daily calories. I was still at a deficit each day but not at a 1.5-2 pounds/week kind of deficit. I know,  I either need to stick with the 1300 calorie limit, or raise it and purposefully lose weight more slowly.

Anyway, here are this week’s results:

Measurements	4/23/2014	4/30/2014	5/7/2014	5/14/2014
Weight	188.1	188.3	185.8	187.2
Pounds Fat	79.5	81.5	78.3	79.1
Pounds Muscle	67.4	68.4	67.4	68.6

While I was disappointed, this number didn’t bother me too much as I am definitely, 100% bloated. I know I had a calorie deficit overall for this week, and the working out is still working out.  I’m pushing myself more. I realized that there are different kinds of ellipticals, and some lend themselves to more challenging workouts than others. So I need to keep using the tougher ones.

We went to the gym three times this week, two of them in the morning before work. Going to the gym in the mornings is something we’ve always had as a “that would be a really good idea” concept, kind of like when you run into somebody and they’re like, “Let’s have lunch!”  and everyone knows it’s not going to happen. Part of the failure is because it involves planning ahead. Apparently deciding what to wear to work in advance and going to sleep at a reasonable hour is a huge challenge for me.

There might be a couple of celebratory meals this weekend, and I’m going to keep reminding myself that this is not Paris, it’s just Boston, and nothing I’m going to eat is a unique opportunity, though it might be delicious. Besides, I live in New York City, right? I can eat anything there.

The lies will seizure you

You Can Do Things Better By Accident

When I did personal training, I learned that the ideal way to lift weights is to push each muscle to exhaustion. There’s a point where you feel like you can’t do any more repetitions, but the trainer encourages you to do a couple more, and you’re able to push yourself and your muscles to those last ones that end up mattering the most. Basically they know what you’re capable of more than you do. Usually the correct weight for a person is one at which they can do 10-15 challenging reps. During these sessions, I learned how to push myself more while working out and to actually use more than just the cardio machines.

Disclaimer: I’m repeating things I learned and that I think work for me personally, I’m not a personal trainer.

At our current gym, I started each weight machine on the lightest setting. There was one on which I could barely do one rep (overhead press), but for the most part I was doing pretty well on all the machines. I’ve even increased the weights on most of them over the last months.

This show is awful.

However, since I’m a moron, I didn’t realize until last week that I hadn’t actually started on the lightest setting. To “set” the lift amount for most weight machines, you insert a metal rod horizontally into the desired weight. So that’s what I did for each machine when I started out, putting it on the lowest number (usually 50 pounds for most arm machines) and assuming it was the lightest setting. It turns out that you can put the machine on an even lighter setting, down to 30 pounds, by inserting the metal rod vertically through another weight on the side.

I laughed when I realized, and wondered: if I had not made this mistake, and therefore had started the machines on their actual lightest settings, would I have noticed? Would I have realized that I could lift much more (at least comparatively)? How much have I been holding myself back because I assume I’m not able to do it, when really I just need to learn how to push myself?

In other news, we are headed out this weekend for my brother's college graduation. I still think of him as being fourteen, but apparently he's graduating from college. While it's going to be an exciting weekend, I'm anticipating a lot of food challenges. 

I'm still so, so far from where I want to be. Sometimes it feels like, yay, you're going to the gym, now lose some damn weight, and nothing rationalizes away the frustration. Tomorrow is the next weigh-in, and I hope to at least have maintained last week's great loss, if not more. I worked hard this week. I'm tracking, I'm trying. Gah.

Weekly Weigh-In: She's Down!

You know those moments, where you do something that just makes you feel really proud of yourself? Ace the paper, spot the error in the important document that nobody else noticed, cook a delicious and healthy meal, nail the comeback. They’re not usually big things, but they make you feel like you can do anything.

On Wednesday I got stuck at work until almost ten. As I was leaving, I called my husband and told him to meet me at the gym. And gym we did. I am disproportionately proud of myself for this. It was a long day, but I actually wanted to go - it’s nice to move around a bit after mostly sitting in front of a computer all day, and to justify watching TV or just letting my mind wander.  

Bloat?

I'm taking this as a great sign of progress. I would love to get to the point - long term - where I look forward to working out as a time to focus on myself and getting stronger, and take a break from whatever else is going on in life.

When we were on the way home, in my head was something like, “I can’t believe we just did that. I got out of work at ten pm, and instead of getting home and crawling into bed to watch S.H.I.E.L.D, I actually acknowledged that I wasn’t that tired, it wasn’t that late, and that it would be good for us to exercise. This. I’m doing it, I’m actually doing it. This is awesome. Everyone, look how awesome I am! Everyone is awesome. America! Togetherness! We can do so many things. Hey random stranger, we can do things! Everything is beautiful.”

So, onto the numbers. Fantastic results this week! I am really happy.

Measurements	4/9/2014	4/23/2014	4/30/2014	5/7/2014	Difference from Previous Week
Weight	186.2	188.1	188.3	185.8	Minus 2.5 lbs weight
Pounds Fat	76.6	79.5	81.5	78.3	Minus 3.2 lbs fat
Pounds Muscle	65.4	67.4	68.4	67.4	Minus 1 lb muscle

Even from the “low” I hit a couple of weeks ago, this is a new low!

Overall weight is down 2.5, and fat is down over three pounds. Muscle is a bit down too but holding steady from a couple of weeks ago. I take these weekly numbers with a movie-popcorn grain of salt, as it’s more the month to month numbers and averages that show the real weight trends. I didn’t lose literally three pounds of fat and one of muscle in seven days, obviously, but I do think I weigh a little less than last week, and have a little less fat. I hope to keep the trend going this week.

I don’t think I was particularly magical this week, but I tend to think that any weekly weigh-in isn't just about that week's progress, but rather a culmination of the last several weeks.

This is a comparison between yesterday and eight months ago, when I was still on the way up, weight-wise:

Measurements	9/3/2013	5/7/2014	Extra
Weight	183	185.8	2.8
Pounds Fat	69.9	78.3	8.4
Pounds Muscle	65.1	67.4	2.3

Funny how upset I was when I saw that on the scale in September, but now I would be thrilled. The numbers are a little weird, as this indicates that I gained a lot of fat even though the net gain is only a few pounds. However, the muscle is up too, so according to this I gained eleven pounds of mass, but only three actual pounds.

In other news, I've been thinking it might be time for another measuring session. The last one was in March, about two months ago. I have since lost 4-5 net pounds, and we've kept up the gym routine of going three or four times a week. Hopefully the measurements will reflect that. While measuring just a few times a year instead of every two months might yield bigger changes, I'd like to see the smaller progression as well. I'm also impatient as hell.

The "If" Word and Weight Loss

“If I can lose 40 pounds by next year, I would be really proud of that huge weight loss and would buy a pretty and flattering dress that I never could have worn at my higher weight.” 

“If I lose this weight, I’m going to buy a sexy bathing suit and wear it with confidence.”

“If I don’t have too much stress from switching jobs, I will start going to the gym three times a week.”

These are all things I’ve heard other people say fairly frequently, in Weight Watchers meetings, weight loss forums, or just average conversations about dieting. I'm sure I've said them myself. There’s nothing inherently horrible about these statements, of course, but I think there’s something to be said for the constant use of “if."

Similarly, I’ve found myself speaking with qualifiers when referring to weight loss, using words like "if," "hopefully," "maybe," or "perhaps." But I’ve realized that this is, in in a minor but real way, negatively influencing the attitudes I have about my own ability to accomplish things. Why if? All of this weight stuff is in my control; whether I weigh fifty pounds less or ten pounds more next year, it will all have been my doing.

My old Plan B.

Saying “if” (and similar words) can work as a safety net or a form of self-deprecation. 

Sometimes it stems from simple doubt. When I’m uncertain about or don’t trust my own chances of success, when the idea of a fifty-pound loss feels more like a fantasy than a possibility, I’m not going to speak confidently about my plans. I’ll say things like, “I hope that next year I’ll have lost 50 pounds,” or, “if this works, I’ll make sure to keep on the program.” I won’t say, “when I lose this weight,” because deep down I am not sure it will really happen.

Using qualifiers like “if” is also a safety net because if I don’t lose the forty pounds, or whatever the goal is, then I didn’t really fail because I never really said I could do it anyway. The "I never care about it anyway" defense, introduced in school playgrounds everywhere. The more heart I put into something, the more disappointing the failure. 

Thus I’ll avoid that whole hypothetical scenario by never really believing I can do it in the first place, and expressing that doubt through statements that begin with “if” and, “I wish” or, “I hope.” So nobody needs to remember my grand declarations about working out at 5 am each day or only eating sweets on Thursdays, because there won’t be any.

It also works as self-deprecation when speaking to others. I don’t want to sound full of myself, like I’m so sure of my success that I’m buying smaller clothes or planning a post-goal weight vacation. Weight loss is a huge and difficult accomplishment, but it’s something at which most people fail. Therefore, I say “if” to avoid sounding conceited - like someone who is so sure they can succeed where most don't.

But it’s so unnecessary. There’s nothing wrong with speaking confidently about something that, while difficult, is completely attainable and utterly in my control. I’m probably not going to start filling a “goal weight” closet, but I can do this small thing; I can be positive and try to get into a better mindset, one in which I’m confident about my capability.

A study or two has shown that optimism can actually help with weight loss - people who set higher weight loss goals and declared higher confidence in those goals lost more weight. The researchers hypothesized that the attitude helped people to see the weight loss as attainable, even inevitable.

From now on, for things like this - things completely possible and totally in my control - I will start saying “when.” If (when?) I slip up on this, feel free to let me know. But it’s a habit I want to form.

When I get to goal, when I weigh less than 150, when I lose all the weight, when I'm in maintenance mode, when, when, when. Why not? The only thing stopping me is me.

Weekly Weigh-In

True to my good intentions, we got back into the gym routine pretty easily. After spending most of the day sitting, it also just feels great to move around. J is generally a crazy person at the gym, setting the elliptical to its highest levels, going as fast as possible on the treadmill, and pushing himself hard on the weights. It's simultaneously inspiring makes me feel like sitting down to restore some type of balance to the world.

 We usually work out for 45 minutes to an hour. I do 30-35 minutes on the elliptical, and then 15-20 on the weight machines, and usually feel tired but good by the end. I have a vague plan to try out some of the other things that I barely understand, like the kettle balls and those stretchy ropes that hang down, but right now I'm sticking to what I know.

Weigh-In 
 
I'm only including last week for comparison because quite frankly, it's starting to annoy me.

Measurements	4/23/2014	4/30/2014
Weight	188.1	188.3
Pounds Fat	79.5	81.5
Pounds Muscle	67.4	68.4

I'm not even going to analyze the numbers, as the only consistent part is the weight, which is essentially the same. I was pissed that the weight I added over vacation wasn't just bloat, which implies that I indulged more than I realized. It's a good lesson for those little BLTs - bites, licks, and tastes - adding up.

Despite my frustration, I'm trying to stay optimistic and be patient. It's only been a week since vacation time ended, and I was sick for three of those days.  A couple of years ago, I heard some advice that was basically: "The time will pass anyway. Do with it what you will, but you may as well try."

This.

 
Thus, I can get pissed off that I'm almost in the same place from two months ago despite working out 3-4x a week and (mostly) tracking, and use it to slack off in the next two months, or I can push myself even harder. I know that I have a calorie deficit, and I am exercising. It will catch up.